The warrior of Light

Darkness mesmerizes me. This absolute annihilation of light. The great equalizer. Nothing to see, nothing to discriminate against. Nothing to demarcate, nothing to distinguish. You are a part of darkness and yet you are yourself. The darkness accepts you, it engulfs you and not for a minute does it ask you to change.

The place where i go to work is full of light. “A well lit office is a good office”, they say. They have even invaded the integrity o the ceiling. The thick strong ceiling is now but a hollow self of itself with artificial lights piercing right through it. The walls of my office are also brightly coloured. The light swoons on me from above and tackle me from the sides. They tell me, about experiments that relate the illumination of a room to the productivity of the office, with bright smiles on their face. There shining teeth reflecting the bright lights further.

Does it not feel like a deer caught in the headlights, I ask. There is a pause. The smile on their faces fades a bit. But they catch up quickly for nothing bright should ever fade. They compliment me on my wit and smile their glowing radiant smile. Some even laugh trying to make up for the lost sunshine.

There is no wit involved. I am too overwhelmed by light to be left with any. I look at their faces and horror consumes me. Can they not see how gruesome the look. This very light accentuating every expression of cruelty they try to hide beneath the garb of a smile. How come anyone else not sees it? I keep my head down. They say I am an introvert. That i need to change as it affects the team bond. I mumble about promising to try. I still cannot look up.

I come back to my place. I take a bath. It’s a very humid city that I live in. I watch all the dust and damp washing off me as the stream of water hits me. But a patch of light remains, at the back of my neck. I try to rinse it off. It would not go easily. It has been drilled deep by the artificial lights of the hollow ceiling. I try harder. The patch remains. My neck burns. I put my towel over it. The warmth around the sting is soothing. I feel better.

My flatmates come. I ask them not to turn on the light. They don’t. They are friends. They understand. We talk; the words flow the way they can only flow in darkness. With no big brother watching your expressions; with no “know-it-all” analyzing your body language; the words are paramount now. The flow of it; the clarity of it all. We laugh a bit too. They should hear me now.

After few months

Its another routine day in office. The faces still look horrifying but the familiarity has taken the edge off it. I dare now to study them closely. The smiles never leave their clean shaved faces. In some unexplainable way they all look eerily similar too. I began to have feeling that they are all a part of a group. Light has invited them in. My horror partially gives way to envy.

Someone takes a snap of me and put it on “facebook”. Its taken in really strong light. It gets a lot of “Likes” and “Comments”. I look at the pick. It does not resemble me in any way. I have a realization. Light may not ignore your peculiarities but it sure can hide them. Hide them in daylight; I think. I find the line funny. I chuckle.

A girl I know “comments” on the pic. She is hot by all conventional means.

Fair: check

Slim: check

Big Boobs: Check

It would be some fun looking at everyone’s face when they see me with her. I come home. I shave. I even applied the “fairness cream for men” that I bought on my way home. I feel “light”.

At night I open my laptop. There is some office work. My boss would be really happy if he finds the work completed first thing in the morning. Probably pat me on the back. I think of it. I smile. My flatmates come. I ask them not to turn off the lights as I have work to do. They understand. They are friends.

After  few years…

The faces in my office now dissolve around me. They re-merge and become one ever smiling face. The light they radiate is blinding. I can see clearly now. (I don’t chuckle. Nor do I find that funny.) Sun pales in front of it. A light so bright, a light so beautiful that it  could only be divine.

Tears flow incessantly from my eyes. All my logics, all my rationale that seems so important before seems so insignificant now. Divinity can not be accessed through a path of logic or reason. Divinity demands faith. Divinity deserves trust

.

As I lay down on my knees the purpose of my; until now purposeless; life is clear. I am a warrior of light now. Light may not have accepted me yet but it will. I believe in it, I trust in that. From now a light brighter than mine is a deity to me. Darkness is a demon that deserves to be annihilated.

As I lay there kneeling I wipe the tears from my face. These were the last tears I ever shed. From now on I will be constantly smiling radiating lights through my shining teeth. The light engulfs me now. That patch in my neck has now encompassed my entire being. I scream as it stings me all over again but that is a trivial price to pay.

 As the light fills my soul I for the very first time feel alive.